It's not my secret to tell
by Carrie86
Summary: Filling in the blanks between 2x03 and 2x04
1. Chapter 1

**This is also a filling-in-the-gaps story, set in early series two. Surely, Mr Bates and Anna must have met up other than that one time in the pub. What Anna says to his lordship in mid 2x04 indicates that she has had some fairly in depth discussions with Mr Bates at some point, and he definitely must have explained to her why he really left because in 2x05, when Vera again threatens to tell the Pamuk story, Anna shows no surprise.**

**Also, one thing I felt was missing in the broadcast episodes is the development of their romantic relationship. In series one, they're just friends – a beautiful friendship, but nothing more – and in series two they're suddenly in a serious relationship, which is also nice to see, but the bit in between was never explored. I wanted to write some nervous and flirty Bates and Anna scenes! So here you go. Like in Downton Drama, there are a couple of bits of the broadcast episodes in there, and the other bits you'll have to figure out where they go (e.g. Mr Lang leaving, Ethel getting fired etc).**

**It starts in the pub in Kirkbymoorside…**

...

"We don't have to wait, you know. If you want me to throw up everything and come with you, I will. Gladly."

"I can't marry you yet, not legally. And I won't break the law."

"It's not against the law to take a mistress, Mr Bates."

Here she was, after all this time, still loving him, still willing to sacrifice everything for him. John could hardly believe it. But he couldn't let her do that. She was worth so much more than that.

"I know you, Anna Smith, and I love you, and that is not the right path for you. It won't be long now."

She gave a small smile and nodded, accepting this. He just hoped against hope that it was the truth. Vera had told him that Anna wouldn't be interested in him after he had broken her heart. Clearly, she was wrong, and he thanked God for that. He just hoped that she was also wrong about her claims that he would never be free of her. The lawyer had told him that with evidence of infidelity the divorce process should be relatively easy. But it wasn't done yet, which is why he hadn't contacted Anna. Still, here she was, holding his hands and gazing at him. What should he do now? Was she waiting for him to say something more, to make her a promise? Was it awkward that he wasn't saying anything more? It didn't feel awkward. But he really didn't know what to do now – she'd asked for information and he'd given it, but now…

"When do you finish work?"

Always, no matter how black the situation, Anna managed to surprise him with a completely innocent question. It wasn't, "How long will the divorce take?" or "Are you sure you can manage it?" or even "Why did you break my heart?" No, it was, "When do you finish work?"

John smiled. "We close at six. I'm supposed to clean up afterwards, but I could do that later."

He watched as Anna's mind processed this. "The last bus back to Downton is at twenty to seven," she said.

Darren, the stable hand whom he'd got to cover him at the bar while he took a break, had started to glare at him.

"I think your colleague would like you back up there," said Anna.

"I think he would. Listen, Anna, I can't tell you how glad I am to see you, and I would like to talk to you some more."

"I'd like you to talk to me some more too."

"I'll see if I can get off early. That is, if I can get Darren over there to cover for me again – I'm not sure. But in the meantime, you're welcome to stay here, I could bring you some food or a cup of tea, or…"

"I think I might go for a walk. It seems like a nice village."

"Yes, it is. There's a wood close by as well, at the edge of the village." He gestured towards it.

"Alright." Anna stood up.

John walked her to the door. "You can come back at six or, if I can manage to get off early, I'll come and find you."

"OK." Anna smiled awkwardly, and John found himself wondering if she really would hang around.

He took her hand once more, stopping her at the doorway. "I really am so glad to see you."

Anna smiled and nodded, then turned and left without another word. She'd wanted to say something more, to say that she was glad to see him too, but her throat had constricted and she found all she wanted to do was run outside.

A thousand thoughts pounded around her head. Here he was, she'd found him. He'd told her he loved her and that he wanted to speak some more. Generally, he was acting as if nothing had happened – well, not nothing, but not much. But then that did seem to make sense somehow, because as soon as they'd met up again, in a way it seemed as though they'd never been apart. It seemed so right, so natural; his honesty had spurred hers and she'd found herself boldly offering to live in sin with him again. What would Mrs Hughes say? Well, nothing, thought Anna, because she wouldn't tell her.

Anna wondered if Mr Bates would come back to Downton. Not until it was settled, and they could be married? In the meantime, she pictured herself sneaking off to meet him in Kirkbymoorside. The thought was quite thrilling. Not as thrilling as the thought of having him back by her side for good, but she didn't feel quite ready for that yet – a lot had happened, he _had_ hurt her, and it was better that this reunion was happening in a place far away from anyone who might think anything of it. A place that she could easily leave, when she wanted to, and go back home.

And now she had two hours in which to think, and to thoroughly decide, what her thoughts on the matter, and on him, really were.

...

"So who is she, then?" asked Darren with a snigger.

"Nothing to you," was John's curt response as he stepped back behind the bar.

"Quite a lot to you, though, by the look of it! She's definitely not your daughter, not from the way you were looking at her!"

"Get back to the stables, Darren!" hissed John.

"It's alright, mate, keep your hair on! I won't tell no-one." He swaggered through the back door.

"I might, though!" said one of the regulars, who was sitting at the bar nursing a pint of ale.

"She's just a friend, Derek," said John.

Derek raised his eyebrows. "If you say so. Anyway, I thought you were from London. How did you become acquainted with such a pretty Yorkshire lass, then?"

"I used to work in Yorkshire. She was a colleague. That's all." John's piercing eyes made it clear that this discussion was over. "Are you alright for drinks for now, Derek? I need to have a word with Darren about something."

"Oh, why will you tell him and not me?"

"_Not_ about that." John made a quick exit before he could say something rude. He didn't mind drunks normally – hell, he had no right to judge them – but on this issue, he knew that if Derek said the wrong thing about Anna he was liable to punch him through the wall. All the more reason why he should get Darren to cover for him as quickly as possible.

Darren was more than a stable hand – he was both groom and blacksmith for the customers' horses, and he doubled as a barman or cook whenever was necessary. The publicans, Mr and Mrs Hamblin, did everything else, including the cooking, some bartending and looking after the small number of hotel rooms. John's job was bartending and cleaning, and helping with anything else that needed it.

Darren was quite young, but wise beyond his years and, despite being a bit rough round the edges, he was, on the whole, trustworthy. This was very fortunate given that John had a big favour to ask of him. He stepped into the stable, and allowed his eyes to adjust to the lack of light. "Darren?" he called.

There was a clatter, and a figure came into view behind the horses' troughs, along with a light that abruptly vanished next to the wall. Then Darren stepped towards John, coughing slightly.

"Were you smoking?" asked John.

"Shh! Don't tell Mrs Hamblin! She thinks I'll start a fire if I smoke in here!"

"And well you might."

"That's why I'm next to the troughs, they're filled with water. I like smoking in here, it's me own space, you know? Somewhere I can relax."

John chuckled. "Fair enough."

"You won't tell?"

"I won't. Although, I do have a favour to ask you."

"Anything for you, mate! Depending on what it is." Darren winked.

"Thankyou so much for covering for me just now, I was wondering if you might do so again – not immediately, but if you could try and finish your work early, I was wondering if you could take over from me for the rest of the day."

"Well, you don't ask for much, do you? Do you know how much work I have to do?"

"What, burning down the stables?"

Darren grinned.

"I'll do the cleaning later, I just need to get away from the bar early."

"I'll do it if you tell me who she is."

"How about you do it in exchange for me not telling Mrs Hamblin about your smoking in the stables?"

"Oh, she'd only give me a slap on the wrist. I dunno if that's enough to warrant me doing your work for a whole hour and a half."

"Not necessarily that long, just whatever you can spare."

"Tell me who she is."

John ground his teeth.

"Tell me who she is and you can have all afternoon with her, you can do whatever you want."

"All I want to do is talk to her."

"Go on, then. If you tell me who she is."

"She's an old friend, we used to work together."

"Old girlfriend, more like. You dog."

"I would never do anything to compromise her, and if you tell anyone about this I will punch your teeth through the back of your skull. I like you, Darren, but I am serious about that."

Darren frowned. "The plot thickens. Old fiancée?"

John could feel his temper rising to the surface. "Do you understand me, Darren?" he said through clenched teeth.

"Sure, mate. I'll finish up here, quick as I can, and then I'll come in and let you go. Go get her!" He grinned.

John sighed in relief. "Thankyou. Thanks." He turned to leave.

"I'll want all the details later, though!"

...

Anna walked through the wood from one side to the other – it wasn't very large. On the other side, she stood looking out across the fields for a while and then walked back in the other direction, all the time her mind racing.

What she still didn't understand was why he had left. She figured his wife must have threatened her with ruin if he didn't go to London with her, but why he couldn't have told her that… Presumably it was part of his usual honourable, yet maddening, trait to always force himself to do what he considered the "right thing", even when he didn't want to and even when _she_ told him that _she_ didn't want him to…and so he'd thought that, if his wife wasn't willing to give him a divorce, the "right thing" was for him to just get out of Anna's life. She appreciated his sense of honour, but when it meant breaking both their hearts it was most definitely _not_ the right thing to do. Especially seeing as, from what he'd said today, divorce was obviously not impossible, and he hadn't given up on her, so why hadn't he told her? Coming back to Yorkshire, and stalking her in Downton village, he'd clearly intended to contact her at some point, and say what? "It's all sorted now, so we can be together?" When previously she'd had no idea that it could be sorted or that he was even trying to sort it – why couldn't he have just told her?

"Anna."

She spun around, and there he was, standing on the path, not ten paces behind her. She frowned. "You like sneaking up on me, don't you?"

There it was. After what he'd done, surely she must be angry at him. He'd never seen Anna angry before, so he wasn't sure what to do about it. "I'm sorry," he said. When she didn't respond, he stepped towards her. "I'm sorry I followed you in Downton Village, too. I'm not sure what I was doing exactly, just… I wanted to speak to you, but I knew that I shouldn't, plus in a public place like that it wasn't advisable. So I just watched you."

"Why shouldn't you speak to me?"

"For the same reason that I had to leave."

"How is talking to me now any different, then?"

"Well, now you've sought me out. I'm not going to turn you away."

"But you wouldn't contact me yourself."

"When I was free, I would have. But until then, I have no right to have anything to do with you. I have no right to even gaze upon you, Anna, but please forgive me, because I don't think that I can help it."

He looked into her eyes, she saw the love and torment reflected there, and she felt her anger melt away.

Not yet - why should she feel sorry for him? She looked away, and began walking again, not too briskly as to stop him keeping up with his cane, but more briskly than a regular stroll in the woods. "You owe me an explanation," she said. "What did she say to you, what changed? Nothing had changed about your situation – you'd found her, so if anything your situation had improved, and you'd asked me to marry you and live in a cottage on the estate, and the next thing I know…"

"She threatened you."

"Well, yes, I figured that. I also told you that I didn't care. Anyway, what can she possibly threaten me with – it's not as if we'd actually done anything, and it's not as if the two of you were still together, so what was she planning to say, exactly?"

"Would you like to sit down, Anna? There's a big log up ahead, in a clearing."

"Come here often, do you?"

"Yes. It reminds me of you."

"Interesting considering I've never been here before."

"You've been to the woods before." She had, with him, on many occasions. "Woods, flowers, green grass, meadows – anything that's beautiful reminds me of you. If only because it makes me wish that you were there looking at that beautiful thing with me."

Anna stared at him as they sat down on the log. "You're very eloquent today."

"I've had almost a year to think of all the things I wanted to say to you and didn't."

"Well, you can start by telling me why you left."

"Of course. It was quite simple, really, maybe more simple than you think. She told me that she'd been working in the home of Lord and Lady Flintshire and that she'd heard a scandalous story in the servants' hall there about Lady Mary and that Turkish gentleman."

Anna's mouth fell open. She hadn't been expecting that.

"She said that if I didn't go with her, she'd sell the story to the newspapers. That got my attention, I certainly don't want the Crawley family to be the subject of a scandal, especially not on my account – I don't know if the story is true, but even if it isn't, in these circumstances mud does tend to stick. Anyway, that got my attention, but what actually convinced me to go with her was that then she said that in the story she'd heard, Lady Mary had her maid help her move the man's body, so Vera was intending to put your name into the scandal as well – which was, of course, the whole reason she was doing it. She knew that that'd get me…and it did."

Anna frowned. "I don't see how that would ruin _me_, though – I was just doing my job, I wasn't -"

"Well you would be swept up in the notoriety of it generally, and then people would ask why is Vera telling this story when she doesn't know anybody involved, and then they'd connect her to me, they'd connect me to you, and…then you really would be ruined. And I couldn't allow that."

Anna was silent for a moment, and he watched her thoughts play across her face. "You're right, that is more simple than I thought. And also a lot worse than I thought."

"Anna, I wouldn't leave you unless it was really bad."

"The thing is, I did say to you at the time that I don't care if she ruins me. There are more important things." She looked him in the eye. "But I do care if she ruins Lady Mary. I didn't keep quiet about that for four and half years to have it…smeared across the tabloids."

John swallowed. "So it's true, then?"

"Oh. Yes. I'm sorry, I hope you don't think that I should've told you, it's just that, well, I couldn't, I couldn't tell anyone; her ladyship asked me not to, but anyway I wouldn't -"

"I know. Of course I didn't expect you to tell me. That must have been hard for you, though, to go through something like that and not be able to talk to anyone about it."

"Yes. It was. It's all over now, though, years ago. And it did bring Lady Mary and I closer together, I think."

John nodded. "You're more than a good servant, you're a good friend to do that."

"Well, I had to. I don't want her ruined – and it wasn't her fault, anyway, he was a vain and arrogant man, who…"

"Did he force himself on her?"

"No, but…she didn't invite him there, he just showed up and convinced her that it was a good idea. He didn't physically force himself on her, but he did force his way into her room, and it sounds like he just expected her to say yes."

"Yes," John nodded, a look of disgust on his face. "I know exactly what sort of man that is."

"Well, listen, I'm glad you did what you could to stop it getting out, and Lady Mary will be as well, if I ever tell her, but…why didn't you just tell me that? I would have understood, I would have let you go."

John looked down. He saw her hand resting on the log beside her and he took it in both of his. He looked up again, and looked deep into her eyes. "Anna, I could not tell you because I could not leave you with a promise that I didn't know if I'd ever be able to fulfil. I didn't know about the law about proof of adultery – I went to see a lawyer after I got to London, he explained my options to me, but at that time I didn't know, and I didn't know if I'd be able to get proof anyway – it was very difficult to get, that's why I spent so long down there. And it was part of her conditions that I couldn't contact you – I'm sure I would've found a way if I'd needed to, but I could not say to you, 'I'm going away with my wife, I won't contact you but maybe one day in a year or ten years' time maybe I'll be free and I'll look you up then!'"

"Well that is basically what you did do, except that you also broke my heart, you made it look like you were choosing her over me, and I knew it was because she'd threatened you, but you wouldn't tell me – I told you that I didn't care, that I'd live in sin with you anyway, and you just walked away!"

The emotion was rising in Anna's voice, but she didn't take back her hand. He held it tighter, stroking it vigorously.

"Stop doing that, you keep acting like it never happened – yes, it was a bad situation, we were always in a bad situation and we still are, and it still would have hurt either way, but if you had just been honest with me then it wouldn't have been _you_ who was hurting me. I can see that you were backed into a corner, but it didn't have to be _you_ who…" Anna's voice broke, and she ripped her hand away from John's to wipe her eyes.

John hunched forward, a look of utter despair on his face.

Anna composed herself, then looked at him. He had begun to cry silently. She regretted that, and she took back his hand. "Please explain it to me, because I'm trying to understand."

John looked up at her slowly. "Anna," he said, his voice so soft it was hardly a whisper. "I could not leave you with a promise I didn't know I could keep. I could not ask you to wait for me when you might have been waiting for the rest of your life. In your life, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be a wife and mother, and if I cannot give you that, you should get it from someone else."

"But there isn't anyone else. I've told you that, there never could be."

John closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "If I broke your heart and made you hate me, then maybe there could." He opened his eyes again, and she found she could not break his gaze. "I was trying to set you free."

"Well it didn't work, because I don't want to be free of you."

John's eyes softened, and a shadow of a smile spread across his face. "Thankyou," he whispered. "I can't tell you how glad I am to hear you say that."

"You're quite maddening, you know. You do these things because you think it's the right thing to do in the circumstances, but if you didn't want it and I didn't want it, then how is it right?"

"I'm sorry. I will not be so proud as to ask for your forgiveness, but please know how sorry I am. And I always will be."

Anna nodded. "Where to from here, then?"

"Well…you know I'm still working on the – the divorce. And I don't know how long it will take, but… But I can't tell you how much I have missed you, and I would love to see you again."

"Go on."

"Well, I usually get one day off a week. Lately that's been on a Wednesday, but if your half-day is today, I was thinking maybe I could arrange to change my day off."

"Or I could. I could speak to Mrs Hughes."

"Wednesday's your errands day, though."

"I'm sure I could manage to change my errands day. The question is, would I be able to explain that to Mrs Hughes…"

John smiled. "Well, up to you. I'd hate for her to ask you any uncomfortable questions."

"She is pretty strict, Mrs Hughes. I wouldn't be able to tell her the truth." Anna laughed. "Can you imagine her face if I said, 'Mrs Hughes, can I change my half-day and my errands day so that I can go and meet a man in Kirkbymoorside?'"

John laughed. "Well, that's the other thing I was thinking. What if we met somewhere else, somewhere in between Downton and here? Then it'd be shorter travelling time for both of us, and we'd, well, I suppose we'd be -"

"We'd be in a place where no-one knew us."

Mr Bates nodded and winced at the same time. "That's not entirely appropriate, is it?"

"Why not? I'm old enough not to need a chaperone. I don't have one now, do I?"

"Good point." John looked around. They were very much alone.

"I think it'd be nice if we were somewhere where no-one knew us, then no-one would look twice at us. We'd be alone even if we were in a crowd."

"Yes. Yes, that's what I meant. Alone in a crowd. Then we could, you know, just be ourselves, just be…yes. There was a little village I saw from the bus to Downton the other day, it was called Topcliffe, I think. It was by a river that looked nice."

"Mr Bates, are you asking me to walk out with you in Topcliffe?"

"Well, only if that is agreeable to you, Miss Smith. Or if you'd rather meet somewhere with more of a crowd, then -"

"No, Topcliffe is agreeable to me." Anna laughed at the way he'd suddenly come over all coy and nervous.

"Really?" John gazed at her, his heart leaping for joy, but he didn't move. He kept his eyes on her.

"That sounds like a plan." She smiled, and he smiled back.

"Err, well, I think it'd be better if I face the uncomfortable questions rather than you, so how about I try to arrange to change my day off, and I'll let you know if I can manage it."

"Alright. You have my address."

"Oh, and I live above the pub. You can contact me there. Any time you like."

"I might do that."

"Anna, thankyou so much for coming."

"Couldn't keep away, could I?"

"Thankyou. I mean, I…I really did want to contact you, I have a stack of half-written letters that – that I couldn't send, I had no right to contact you, I -"

"Yes you do have a right to contact me – I want you to contact me!"

John smiled. "Thankyou. I will."

...

They walked back through the woods together, and to her bus stop. Anna was hoping the bus would be late, because it wasn't fair, she'd only just got him back and now she had to leave again, had to miss him again… But the bus was on time. As the headlights came into view, John pulled her to him in a tight embrace. As the bus came to a stop in front of them, he kissed her temple and pulled away. "I miss you already," he said, with a smile.

Anna reached up and kissed him on the cheek. "See you soon?" she asked.

"Definitely," he replied, reaching to open the door of the bus and then holding out his hand to assist her as she climbed in.

"I will hold you to that promise to write to me," Anna said, leaning over the edge of the bus and looking down at him.

"I will, Anna. I promise you."

As the bus pulled away, she smiled and waved, and blew him a kiss.

He caught it, and held it against his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm so excited, I can't believe that this time tomorrow I'll be on my way to fight for king and country!" said William, grinning as he tucked in to some Mrs Patmore's steak and kidney pie.

"You just take care of yourself, William," said Mrs Hughes. "You've your young fiancée here to think of!"

Daisy, who'd just brought in a pitcher of tomato chutney, set it down with a thud and rushed out of the room.

William smiled after her. "I will, thankyou, Mrs Hughes. I can't wait, though!"

"Give it a rest, William," said Miss O'Brien, watching Mr Lang warily.

Mr Lang didn't seem to notice that his piece of bread was already covered in butter, and he kept spreading it anyway, until he was interrupted by Mr Carson.

"Letter for you, Mr Lang," said the butler. "In the evening post. And for you, Anna."

Anna's heart leapt, and then fell when she saw that it wasn't Mr Bates' writing. The writing looked a little strange, actually, so her interest was piqued, and the clock on the wall told her it was unlikely that the young ladies would ring for at least another 15 minutes, so she decided to open it.

_Dear Anna,_

_I have arranged what we discussed, so let us meet where we said on your next half-day._

_JB xx_

Anna's stomach flipped over, and she had to pretend that she'd got a piece of pie stuck in her windpipe. Mr Lang gingerly slapped her on the back.

"Are you alright, Anna?" asked Mrs Hughes.

"I'm fine, Mrs Hughes. Just went down the wrong way."

...

Anna sent a reply in the afternoon post the next day, Wednesday, when she was able to take it to the post office herself. She couldn't help looking around the village to see if she could see him hiding behind a tree. But of course, he wouldn't be, she admonished herself. He's just told you he's changed his day off!

_Dear Mr Bates,_

_Most definitely. See you then. There's a bus that'll get me there at 1:25. _

_I can't wait._

_Anna xx_

...

He arrived at 12 off the bus from Kirkbymoorside. He wanted to walk around Topcliffe first, so that he'd know where would be good to take her.

By 1:15, he was back at the bus stop, his stomach doing backflips. Get a grip, he told himself. You're like a teenager, going on a date for the very first time!

He reflected that the last time he'd asked a girl out he had, in fact, been a teenager. He'd been on dates with Anna since then, but when they used to see each other all the time at Downton anyway, it hadn't been nearly so nerve-wracking. The situation had been a lot less complicated then, in any case. And he'd never actually had to ask her out, it had just sort of happened. It was just a couple of hours spent hanging out together before they went back to work. This was very different. This was a pre-arranged liaison in a place deliberately far away from their homes and workplaces, of just the two of them, just to spend time as a couple. John could hardly contain his excitement.

He heard the bus coming before he saw it, and he stood to attention at the bus stop, craning his neck to try and catch the first possible glimpse of her. The bus turned the corner and came into sight. She saw him, and she smiled. He grinned unreservedly.

He unlatched the door, and held his hand out for her to lean on as she climbed down from the bus. As soon as she'd done so, she kissed him on the cheek, and he closed his eyes, breathing in her scent.

"Hello," she said, stepping back to look at him.

"Hello," he replied, shyly.

"Are you blushing, Mr Bates?"

Mr Bates turned bright red. "Am I?"

"Well you definitely are now!" Anna laughed.

"A pretty girl just got off the bus and gave me a kiss, what was I supposed to do?"

Anna laughed again, and slipped her arm through his. "So, what shall we do in Topcliffe? There's a nice path by the river, and I think there's a tea room along there somewhere -"

"There is, I just saw it."

"And – oh! They still have the market!"

"Have you been here before?"

"Yes, my grandmother lived just along the road, about a mile that way. She used to sell jams at the market."

"Really? Did you help her?"

"Sometimes. When I wasn't eating the jam."

John laughed. "What kind of jam was it?"

"Oh, all sorts. Raspberry, blackcurrant, plum, apple and cinnamon…"

"I always did like blackcurrant. You can't get it very much in London, but my grandmother used to make it, in Ireland."

"You can get it in Downton."

"I know, I was quite pleased the first time I saw it in the servants' hall."

"Aha! A jam stall." Anna strolled over to a middle-aged woman who was sitting behind a trestle table covered in jars of all sizes. "Do you have blackcurrant jam?" she asked.

"Indeed I do," said the lady. "Would you like a little jar or a big jar?"

"Would you like a little jar or a big jar, Mr Bates?" asked Anna.

"Oh, a little one is fine, I don't eat that much of it!"

"That's thrippence," said the stallholder, and Anna paid her.

"What's your favourite type of jam, Anna?" asked Mr Bates.

"Raspberry," she replied.

"I'll have a large jar of raspberry jam, please," said Mr Bates to the stallholder.

"No, I can get loads of it at Downton – I don't need my own jar."

"But do you want your own jar?"

"The king says you shouldn't buy food if you don't need it," said the stallholder. "Else they'll have to introduce rationing."

"Good point," said Mr Bates, sighing.

"But I do have fresh raspberries that'll only go to waste otherwise," she continued with a wink.

"Aha!" said Anna. "Now that's something I can get on board with."

"Do you think we need fresh raspberries, Anna?" asked Mr Bates.

"I think we do." She grinned at him.

"Two punnets, please."

"Two? That'll be a shilling."

Mr Bates paid the stallholder, accepted two punnets of raspberries and gave one to Anna.

"We get one each, do we?" she said.

"Yes. I'm not going to share mine with you." John winked as he bit into a raspberry.

"Does the wink mean you weren't serious?"

"Oh no, no, I was absolutely serious."

"Really?" Anna stole a raspberry from his punnet and slipped it into her mouth.

"Hey!"

"Is that your only reaction? You say 'hey' and that's it?"

They arrived at the river, and John stepped aside to let Anna descend the steps to the bank first. "I am completely powerless when it comes to you, Anna."

"Are you now?"

"Yes. I can't even be honourable. Look at me, luring you into the Yorkshire countryside and buying you raspberries."

"I think that's perfectly honourable!"

"You do? Oh good."

"Yes, there's nothing wrong in it. Hey, why were you being so cryptic in that message you sent me?"

"I suppose I was, wasn't I?"

"Oh yes. 'Let's meet where we discussed, JB.' You even disguised your handwriting!"

"Mmm."

"Why?"

"Well, for two reasons. One, I didn't want everyone at Downton to know that you were meeting me. I didn't want them jumping to conclusions and interrogating you about it. Mrs Hughes might even have banned it, and that wouldn't be good."

"Oh, she's not cruel!"

"The second reason is… Have you mentioned anyone at Downton that I'm here?"

"No."

"Can I ask that you don't?"

"Why not?"

"Because I left under such a cloud, I let them all down, not only you. His lordship and Mr Carson were very offended."

"Yes, but the reason that you did it -"

"They can never know. His lordship in particular – he doesn't know, does he? About Lady Mary."

"Oh. No, he doesn't. And he musn't."

"Exactly."

Anna stopped walking, and turned to look at him. "Do you want to go back there?"

"Oh…maybe one day, when the cloud is lifted. If they'll have me."

"There's a place for you there."

"I'll have to go back to get you that cottage, won't I?" John's eyes sparkled.

"I suppose you will."

"I'd love to go back, of course I would. But the way I left things with his lordship…I doubt that he'd have me."

"How did you leave things?"

John sighed. "I didn't even give notice."

"Well, you couldn't. Look, I know he can't know the truth of it, but Lady Mary will think of a way to explain it to him."

"Lady Mary? Why?"

"Because she wouldn't mind, if I asked her. And she owes you quite a lot."

"No she doesn't, and I don't want her to think that I'd -"

"No, that's not what I meant. Just that it is possible to bring his lordship round without telling him the awful truth."

John sighed. "He doesn't need to be 'brought round'. He was quite justified in what he said."

"You protected his family from scandal at great personal sacrifice for yourself, and you think he's not going to give you your job back?"

"You forget that the threat would never have been made in the first place if it weren't for me. Anyway, he's got a new valet now, hasn't he?"

"No, he doesn't. That's the point I'm trying to make."

"What do you mean?"

"Mr Lang left yesterday."

"What? Why?"

"He's got shell-shock, he wasn't up to the job."

"Oh. Don't criticise a man for that."

"I'm not, but he's left. The post is vacant. And if you want it, I could get it for you."

"Well…" John looked at the river, considering this. "I'd have to think about that. The thing is, though… I really must get everything settled first. I don't want to bring my cloud with me to Downton. I'd hate to be the cause of more upset there, but more than that…it isn't fair to you."

"What isn't?"

"Well, I imagine that there would be gossip, if I went back there and I was still married. They all know now. And I don't want them to judge you."

"I don't care. If they were going to judge me, they've probably done so already – it's all old news now."

"Mmm." John's face wore a familiar expression of guilt.

"Look, don't decide against it on my account, because I've already told you I want you to come back so I won't have to miss you anymore. But if _you_ want to come back, you should do it soon, because the position is vacant and it might not be again."

"OK." John nodded. "I'll think about it."


	3. Chapter 3

They walked to the tea room, and had tea and fruit cake looking out at the river.

"Did you come here with your grandmother?" asked John.

"No. She preferred to take tea at home. I always wanted to come here, though - I did ask her several times."

"And she denied her granddaughter this beautiful view?"

"Later on I realised that she couldn't afford it. Money was pretty tight back then."

"Of course. I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't be. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't have got a job at Downton, and then I wouldn't have met you."

John smiled, and his eyes crinkled. Anna smiled back.

"What news of Downton?"

"Oh, quite a lot. It's all go go go at the moment."

"With the valet gone?"

"No, I'm sure that makes it go go go for Mr Carson, but the rest of us have been very busy setting the place up, and running it as, a convalescent home."

"Really?"

"Yes, for wounded officers. They're treated at the hospital in the village, and then when they can get about again, well, the hospital needs the beds for more serious cases, so the others come to us to recouperate."

"How many?"

"There's a capacity of about a hundred, but not all the places are filled yet. There's new arrivals everyday."

"Is this a recent thing, then?"

"Yes. The first officers arrived…early last week. Not long before I went to see you. I should've mentioned it then, really, but I was more interested in your news."

"No, that's fine. It's very interesting, I can't really picture it. What's it like?"

"Well, we're all still getting used to it. There's just people everywhere, basically, hospital beds all through most of the rooms…a lot more staff, a lot of nurses – oh, and Thomas is back, Acting Sergeant Barrow, he's in charge of it all."

"Thomas is in charge?"

"Under Dr Clarkson, but Dr Clarkson spends most of his time at the hospital. Mr Carson was not best pleased when Thomas showed up on the _front_ doorstep, I can tell you."

"I'll bet he wasn't."

"And he was very quick to state that he is no longer under Mr Carson's authority, and he's been doing his best to boss us all about, even though we are not under his authority – the nurses are, but the maids aren't."

"No, you shouldn't be. What about William? Is he handling it alright?"

"William's gone. He finally got called up."

"Oh."

"Most of the young men have gone now. The stable hands, hall boys, gardeners…"

"Yes. Yes, I suppose they would, they would all be called up."

"Actually, I was surprised to see that you still have a young man working at the Red Lion."

"Oh, Darren? He has a lung complaint, he's exempt from duty. I think that's why he was hired – I know it's why I was."

"What do you mean?"

"I walked in there, and the publican, Mrs Hamblin, took one look at my cane and said, 'The job's yours.' Quite ironic, really, given the trouble I had finding work before."

"What, she wants you because you can't be called up?"

"Can't be taken away from her, yes. It's very easy to get a job these days. But when the war is over, there will be so many people looking for work, and the wounded soldiers will be tossed to the bottom of the pile."

"That's not fair."

"Life's not fair. But don't worry, I know how to handle it by now."

"No, but men who have been wounded in the service of the king, surely they should be the first to be looked after."

"By who? If they can't work, then who will -"

"Well you can work."

"I know. But the only way I was able to get a decent job before, and also to not get fired from it, was, err…his lordship's sense of guilt. And I'm not proud of that, there's nothing that he should feel guilty for, but…at the time, I had nothing else to call on. And then I just left him, didn't I? Damn good valet I turned out to be."

"It's not your fault."

"Well it's not his. And it's not yours."

"No, it's Vera's."

John smiled awkwardly, and leant forward to pour Anna another cup of tea.

"Why is she…I mean, she left you, years ago, and you were in prison, which you did for her, and -"

John shook his head. "It's a lot more complicated than that."

"But after all this time…Does she actually want to have a relationship with you now? So she's just jealous, or…?"

"Jealous of you, yes, probably, but I don't think she wants to have a functional relationship with me, no. Most of my time there I spent locked in my room. Or out."

Anna tried to drink her tea nonchalantly, when inside she felt anything but. "You mean you didn't share a room with her?"

"No. No way. And she was offended by that, but I told her that she can't control me in every way. Anyway, my lawyer is preparing a formal submission to present evidence of fault to the judge, he thinks it should be enough to get a degree nisi and there is nothing that Vera can do about that, but I do need to get her co-operation on the…scandal thing. I've written to her offering money, but I've not heard back yet."

"I see."

"Have you mentioned it to Lady Mary?"

"No. I don't want to upset her unnecessarily. If you're sure you can…sort it out."

"I think I can."

...

Anna's last bus was at ten past seven, John's ten minutes later. They spent much of the afternoon sitting by the river, and then walking around the village, hand in hand, talking about all sorts of things.

"Would you like to meet again, Miss Smith?"

"I would, Mr Bates."

"Same time next week?"

"That sounds good, although I do wish there didn't have to be a whole week in between."

"So do I. I actually didn't anticipate how much I would miss you. I mean, I knew it would be bad, but…I've never been in love before, so I didn't know what to expect from separation. I've been through a lot of pain in my life, but nothing that bad, I can tell you. It really knocked me for six. So I can't tell you how much it cheers me to see you, even if only once a week."

"Well, you could also write me a slightly less cryptic letter this time."

"Oh! I almost forgot." John reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a bundle of paper and envelopes. He handed it to her.

"What's this?"

"Letters for you. Letters I could never send, but still wrote because…well, some of them I just wrote so that I could have something to do, it just made me feel better feeling like I was talking to you…Others I did intend to send, but just couldn't yet. Now I can."

Anna flicked through the small bundle. There were quite a few letters there. "Thankyou," she said. "And this is for you." From her bag she removed the jar of blackcurrant jam from earlier, and gave it to him.

He smiled. "Thanks." He looked into her eyes, then away, then back again.

She did the same, her heart beginning to race. They were almost at the bus stop, so this was goodbye.

"I'll think of you when I eat it."

"Good. And don't be afraid to write to me properly – disguise your handwriting on the envelope if you want to, but as far as I'm aware, Ethel doesn't read my mail, so whatever you put inside the envelope is just for me."

John nodded. "Alright. I might put quite a lot inside, then."

Anna beamed like a giddy schoolgirl, and John returned it.

"Thankyou so much for coming," he said.

"Thankyou for inviting me."

They both turned to look towards the bus stop, both preparing to walk over there, but neither wanting to.

Anna began to take a step away from him, and John's heart leapt into his throat. "Anna, I…"

She turned back. "What?"

"No, I...I shouldn't, don't worry."

"Shouldn't what?"

"Shouldn't ask you."

Anna stepped boldly towards him and placed her arms around his neck. "You can ask me anything."

"Well, it's just that I…" John paused, reminding himself to breathe. "I really would like to kiss you."

A smile was Anna's only answer as she leaned forward and joined his lips with hers. And, on the street in the middle of Topcliffe, John and Anna kissed, her hands stroking his neck and his face and his holding her body in a strong embrace. The kiss was, as usual, relatively chaste, but long, and Anna knew that she was undone again, that she was losing herself in him, but she didn't mind at all, until she heard the grunt of an engine at the end of the road.

"That's my bus!" she cried and, ripping herself from his arms, she began to run towards the bus stop, which was still a good 100m away.

He followed, but couldn't keep up, and before he knew it she was on board and the bus was pulling away. She held her hand out to him, and he clasped it and kissed it before the bus took his sweetheart away from him once more.

...

Anna began to read the letters he'd given her on the bus, while the light held out. The first was quite short:

_My darling Anna,_

_Oh, what a joke, I have no right to call you that! No matter how much I might wish it…_

The second began more sedately.

_Dear Anna,_

_How are you? I hope you are well. _

_Though I accept that you are probably not – that's if what I'm feeling is anything to go by. I have literally never felt worse in my entire life, and that's saying something. I did not know it was possible to miss someone this much. I cannot stop thinking of you, you haunt my every waking hour, and when I finally get to sleep, if I ever manage it, I usually dream of you as well._

_But you don't want to know about that. Whatever I'm suffering is thoroughly deserved. I had no right to even have the privilege of knowing you, let alone the blissfully happy eighteen months I spent with you by my side as my special friend._

_But I shouldn't even be writing this - even to say that is to shroud you in scandal. Even though we never did, in the eyes of the law or of religion, ever do anything wrong, even to admit that I love you is enough to destroy you, and that is all my fault._

There was a large scribble beneath this, so strong it had torn the page up in places, and most likely broken the nib of his pen. Anna thought she saw tear stains, too.

The next letter was in an envelope, addressed to her with a stamp attached and everything, so perhaps he had actually intended to send it.

_Dear Anna,_

_I love you. I miss you. _

_I wish I could explain it to you. But I dare not go into detail in writing, especially seeing as Vera has forbidden me to contact you. I don't know if I shall send this. I just feel that I owe you an explanation._

_I left to prevent a scandal falling upon you and on Downton as a whole… There was no other reason. What I told you that night was a lie, as you correctly surmised at the time. You are so smart. I cannot get any lie past you, and nor do I want to._

_But my love, are you smart enough to know how much I miss you, how I ache to have you by my side again? Do you know that I think of you every hour of every day? Do you know how many times I have tried to write this letter, to tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am?_

_No, you probably don't. My plan at the time was that you shouldn't… That you shouldn't know how much I love you, so that you can go and build a life with someone else. But now I am weak, and I confess I don't think I could handle it if you did that. If you found someone else, I would have nothing to live for. And I do honestly think that I would die. _

_So I'd better not send you this letter, then, because I have no right to ask you to love me rather than some other man. And I have no right to love you either, but I promise you I will, until the last breath leaves my body, and until my heart makes its last faltering beat, it will beat only for you, my darling Anna._

_I love you. I'm sorry._

_John Bates_


	4. Chapter 4

"How was your half-day, Anna?" asked Ethel, as the two of them got into bed.

"Very good, thankyou," said Anna, trying to look distracted by a large picture book she'd borrowed from the library, hoping that Ethel wouldn't ask her any more questions.

She didn't. Ethel had other things she wanted to talk about. "Charles is taking me to the pictures in York on my next half-day. That's in only four days' time!"

"Should you be calling him that?"

"Well, if he's asked me to walk out with him, then yeah. I should."

"He's meant to be recouperating, not walking out with maids."

"Oh, you're just jealous."

Anna raised an eyebrow, looking at Ethel for the first time. "I'm really not."

She looked back down at the picture book, or, more specifically, at the letters which she had concealed inside. She was up to the last one, which had also been in an envelope, also one he'd been intending to send.

_Dear Anna,_

_How are you?_

_I write to you from Yorkshire, a little place called Kirkbymoorside, which I have decided to call home for the time being. I have done so because it's closer to you than London is, but I still feel so far away._

_Well I should, of course. I have no right to feel close to you. I have no right even to contact you, and please forgive me if I have caused you to feel some confusion, but I want to tell you the truth about why I left and to see you again, if you'll only let me. Which you would be well within your rights not to, of course. I have no right even to contact you, and I admit that I am still not free of Vera, but I have submitted evidence which my lawyer thinks should be enough to get me a decree nisi, which is almost a divorce, and a divorce will follow in the decree absolute at a later date._

_When I am free, I would love to meet you again. I want to explain to you why I left. Please understand that I was backed into a corner and I had no choice but to go, and at the time I couldn't tell you why, but now I can. And please understand (though I know it will be hard) that I did it for you. I had to set you free while I still had the chance, before your name became engulfed in scandal._

_All I care about is you. Morning, afternoon and night, you are all I think about, and the only thing that has kept me going through this hell is the thought that maybe, one day, I might see you again._

_If you are willing, please contact me to let me know._

_If you are not willing, please also contact me. I need to know._

_I miss you like the desert misses rain. I love you. Always have, always will._

_Thankyou for being kind enough to read this letter to the end. I know I do not deserve it._

_Yours truly, and forever,_

_John Bates_

Anna closed the book with a sigh, and sat, leaning against the headboard, cradling it to her chest.

"Will you turn the light out when you're done?" asked Ethel, yawning.

"Yes," said Anna absently.

"What are you reading, anyway?"

"Oh, nothing." She placed the book beneath her bed, turned off the light, and lay in the darkness, her mind racing along with her heart.

...

A letter that really had been posted arrived the very next day. Anna slipped it into the pocket of her apron, making sure not to open it in the servants' hall this time. Soon after the servants' dinner, Anna was called to prepare Lady Mary for bed.

"I meant to ask you this morning, Anna. How was your time off yesterday?"

"Very good, my lady."

"Did you go somewhere?" Lady Mary peered knowingly into the mirror, but Anna wouldn't meet her gaze, instead choosing to focus on Lady Mary's hair.

"Yes, I did."

"Where did you go?"

"Oh, just…you know, just…"

"I know who you were with. I can tell."

Anna looked up. "Can you, my lady?"

"Yes. You've got a spring in your step today."

The maid couldn't help smiling broadly.

"There! I thought so. How is -"

Lady Edith barged in at that point, preventing any further conversation.

"Edith, will you knock before you enter my room?"

"Why? You don't knock before you enter mine."

"Why are you here?"

"I just wanted to ask if you still had Dickens' _Great Expectations_. Lieutenant Cowles is asking for it."

"Well, he'll just have to wait. I'm still reading it."

"Will that be all, my lady?" asked Anna.

"Yes, thankyou Anna." Lady Mary gave her a smile.

"Are you ready for bed now, Lady Edith?"

"Yes, I suppose so, if I can't get the book. I shall have to tell Lieutenant Cowles in the morning."

...

Half an hour later, Anna was finally able to slip out into the courtyard, the new letter burning a hole in her pocket by this stage. She opened the envelope and began to read.

_My dearest Anna,_

_Today was one of the most fantastic experiences of my life – I've only just got home, and am writing this by candlelight over a bowl of cold stew. I can't be bothered spending time heating it up when I'd rather be writing to you!_

_I'm not sure if you've had a chance to read any of those other letters yet, and I do apologise for the higgledy piggledy nature of them, but I just felt that, for the full explanation which I so obviously owe you, it was better just to give them to you as they are. I hope that you agree, for I frequently find myself changing my mind and wishing I hadn't given them to you! They are a bit soul-bearing, for which I apologise._

_I think in them I apologise several times over for leaving you, but that really is something that I can never say enough, or ever stop regretting. Please know how sorry I am for all the pain that I have caused you. I never wanted to hurt you, my love. If I ever get the chance to marry you, I shall spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Whatever you want, whatever you need, I'll give to you. Nothing is too good for you. _

_Now, we didn't actually settle a place to meet next week, did we? One thing that I do desire is to have a photograph of you, to gaze at on all my long, lonely nights without you. So I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere that's big enough to have a photographer's studio. I know there's one in Ripon, but Ripon is perhaps a bit close to all the people that we know – we probably couldn't get away with holding hands on the street in Ripon! But maybe York? I'm not sure. Please let me know what you think._

_I look forward to hearing from you, my dearest, sweetest Anna, although don't feel obliged to write to me straight away, as I imagine you must be very busy with the convalescent home. Just know that I am thinking of you always, and I cannot wait to see you again._

_Yours truly, and forever,_

_John Bates xxx_

...

Anna was indeed very busy. She began writing a letter to Mr Bates straight away, but, having now received so many full and frank confessions from him, she felt she owed him a long and proper letter, so it took her a few days to write. Also, she had to wait until Wednesday to post it herself in the village, because, while he could quite easily disguise his handwriting and not write a return address on the envelope, she couldn't very well _not_ address her letter to John Bates, and if the postmaster had to see that, then so did everyone else who saw the envelope. Therefore, she didn't write the envelope until she was in the post office itself, after once again looking (vainly) to see if he was hiding behind any of the trees.

Mr Bates was handed the letter by Mrs Hamblin after they'd closed the pub the following evening. He thanked her, and took it to his room to read, steadfastly avoiding the looks Darren was giving him.

When he'd safely closed the door behind him, he took the letter from its envelope as carefully as he could, a now familiar feeling of butterflies fluttering around his stomach.

_Dear Mr Bates,_

_Yes, York sounds like a great idea. That means that I can take the train there, and there's one that will arrive at a quarter to two, or 13:45 in military time – I'm hearing that quite a lot, with all the officers about!_

_You are right, I am very busy, but nothing gives me greater pleasure than to set aside some time to write to you (other than, of course, setting aside some time to meet you!). My other problem, though, is that I shall have to wait until Wednesday to post this, because that is the only day I can get to the post office myself, and I'd rather not have everyone else know who I'm writing to… So, I do apologise. Here I am hoarding no less than twelve letters from you, while you have to wait several days to receive only one from me. I am sorry! I'll try to make it a long one, though, to make it up to you._

_Now, to what you said in your letters. Do not ever apologise for bearing your soul to me. I am so grateful that you feel comfortable enough with me to be able to do it. Anything I can learn about you always fascinates me, and I feel very privileged that you want to trust me with things that are close to your heart. Of course you can trust me, my love. You can tell me anything at any time, and you will always have my undivided attention. And I will never judge you, not even for the things on which you so harshly judge yourself._

_In the letters, you say, over and over again, "I have no right" and "I do not deserve". That is simply not true. You, like any person who has ever walked this earth before now, have a right to love and to be loved. You missed out on it before, but now that you have it, of course you have the right to cherish it and to keep hold of it. And I am so happy that it is me that you have chosen to do that with. In fact, I can't believe my luck._

_I believe that everyone has the right to be loved truly, but you in particular deserve to be loved and to be happy more than some others. That is because you are a good man. I know you judge yourself for your various mistakes of the past, but it is that very judgement which sets you aside as someone who truly is good and honourable. That you set your standards for yourself so much higher than for anyone else really sets apart your own morality. And one day, I will make you believe, as I do, that you are the most wonderful man who ever walked this earth. Do you doubt my opinion, my love? I may be a little biased in my assessment of you, but I do know you better than I believe anyone else ever has, because I alone know your heart. It is a kind, gentle and honourable heart, and its owner deserves true happiness. Which I am determined to give him, just as soon as I have the chance._

_Also, you have absolutely nothing to worry about regarding me falling in love with someone else. I did have someone make an advance while you were away, and I politely told him that I loved you and only you, and that I would continue to do so even if I never saw you again._

_See you in York!_

_Yours always,_

_Anna xxx_

John closed his eyes and brought the letter close to his chest, a tear of happiness falling.

He sat that way, breathing deeply, for some minutes, until he heard loud coughing coming from the corridor outside his room, and opened the door to find Darren doubled over in the hallway.

"Are you alright, Darren?" John asked, patting him on the back.

"Fine," Darren wheezed. "Absolutely fine."

"I've got some water in my room, come here."

John led Darren into his room and sat him down at the small desk, quickly pouring him a glass from the jug on the dresser.

As Darren drank with evident relief, John sniffed the air. "Have you been smoking?" he asked.

"Just a little one before bed." Darren spluttered.

"Three guesses where your coughing fit came from, then. Should you be smoking in your condition?"

"Yeah, well, I have a love-hate relationship with it." The younger man grinned. "I have to have some vices, and me mum says it's better than drinking."

"That's true. Are you alright now?"

"Fine and dandy. Sorry to bother you."

"No problem."

"Actually, John, can I ask you something?"

"You can."

"Don't take this the wrong way, I'm asking because I'm impressed and I'd like some advice."

"Err, sure, if I can help. I'm pretty useless at most things, though."

"Oh, I don't think you are. What I want to ask is, how did you get a girl like that?"

John laughed. "I have absolutely no idea."

Darren looked disappointed. "No idea? No, but you must do…"

"No, I'm afraid I can't help you there – I could tell you what not to do, and what kind of women to avoid, but as to landing the right one, I really have no idea how I did that. I had to wait a while though, floundered around, made a complete mess of my life for several years, and then all of a sudden, it got a lot better. So all I can say to you is, have hope."

John stood up and patted the man on the shoulder, hoping he would leave it at that, but Darren stayed in his seat, a look of intense pondering on his face, showing no signs of letting his original train of thought go.

"Give yourself some credit, though, John, I mean…you must have done something at some point to impress her."

"I suppose I must have, but I don't know what it was, other than to be her friend, be kind to her, respect her – I certainly didn't push anything, because…she's way too good for me, why would she even look at me, I would never expect that she would, but…for some reason, she did."

"So you were friends first."

John nodded. "Good friends. As I have told you."

"So I need to get me a female friend."

"Well not just anybody, it's very rare that you meet someone that you have that strong connection with. Anna and I get along very well, we're very comfortable with each other…we worked together, we became friends, and at some point, it became something more than that. But I can't tell you how because I don't know."

"You haven't even told me where you worked with her."

"Yes, well. Discretion is an important part of chivalry."

Darren smiled. "Fair enough. Are you going to get married?"

"Oh yes. Just as soon as we can."

"That's wonderful, mate."

"Yes. It will be."

"Are you saving money for it now?"

"I am."

"Yeah, you need that."

"Do you know York at all, Darren?"

"York? No, never been there. Why?"

"No reason."


	5. Chapter 5

John stood on the platform, wishing the steam would clear as he peered at all the people rushing off the train. To suddenly be back in a city again was quite an affront to his senses, but York was much friendlier than London.

"Excuse me." A tall man pushed past him, hurrying towards the cab rank.

Behind him, he saw Anna walking towards him with a big grin on her face, which he instantly matched. Reaching him, she kissed him right on the lips, then slipped her arm through his and they walked together out onto the streets of York.

"So what shall we do?" Anna asked, her face radiant.

"There's all sorts of things to do in the city," John replied. "And as you're the country girl, I'm going to leave the choice up to you, but I have looked into some options."

"Options, eh? Options including a photographer's shop?"

"Oh, that's definite, you don't get a choice in that."

"Haha."

"The options are, broadly, shops, theatres, tea rooms, restaurants, parks, two rivers, a rather impressive cathedral, and rather extensive city walls, which you can even walk on, apparently – that is, if the army doesn't object."

"That is…quite a lot of things!"

"I think you can pick your favourite three or four – what time do you have to take the train back?"

"There's a couple I could take, one at seven o'clock, one at 8:15, and one at 9:30, which I'd probably better not catch because it wouldn't get me back to Downton until very late, so I'm thinking the 8:15. How about you?"

"6:30 or 8:30, of which 8:30 seems infinitely better!"

"Sounds good, that's longer than we had last time."

"So, your favourite options, Miss Smith?"

"Well the walls and the cathedral sound interesting. We saw a river last time, so we don't need to see that – unless we stumble across it. Picture theatres are interesting too, but they force you to stare at a screen – you don't get to talk."

"Yes."

"Are we walking in the right direction? I'm not paying any attention at all."

"Good point." John stopped and took a map out of his pocket. "I think we are."

"Oh, you're very organised!"

"Well, I would hate to embarrass myself by getting lost. I'm the city boy, I'm meant to know where I'm going."

"Well you're not from York – have you even been here before?"

"Once."

Anna laughed. "Well in that case, I know this city better than you – and I think I see the cathedral over there."

John turned, and looked where she was pointing. "Oh. That does look like a cathedral, yes."

"Let's go, then."

...

They visited the cathedral, Anna saying a prayer and lighting a candle for each of the soldiers she knew, Mr Bates preferring to admire the architecture.

"It's huge, isn't it? What did you say, it was the biggest…what?" said Anna, walking back over to him.

"The biggest gothic cathedral in northern Europe. According to the pamphlet."

"Do you think it's as big as St Paul's?"

"I don't think so – the depth, maybe, but not the height. It's hard to compare them, though, because the architecture's so different."

"Architecture's all you like about churches, isn't it?"

"Some cathedrals, including this one, have very impressive – and also quite intriguing - architecture. And I'm not opposed to any of the rest of it."

"What do you mean by intriguing?"

"Oh, the detail. This building is 500 years old. That means all the stone and wood were carved by hand, and the metal worked by hand as well."

"Yes. They didn't have any machinery back then."

"Particularly the gothic style has such intricacy to it. Can you imagine the time it must have taken them?"

"A very very very long time."

"Well, it took 250 years to build. The number of people involved must have been incredible too."

"Incredible. Hey, good idea, coming to York! We can see things we'd never see normally, it's quite exciting!" Taking Mr Bates' hand again, Anna walked slowly back down the cathedral steps with him, and out into the pretty grounds.

"It is exciting. Mainly because of the company." He smiled at her.

"Absolutely, yes." Anna grinned. "That's the best bit."

They found, after some map-searching by John and directions-asking by Anna, a part of the city walls that could be walked along. They wandered at their usual slow pace, drinking in the sunshine and the views.

"So what news of Downton Abbey convalescent home?"

"Oh, busy as usual. Lady Edith is planning a concert, to keep the men's morale up. They'll be in it, as well – anyone who wants to can be in it."

"That'll be nice. Will you be in it?"

"Well, no, I mean any of the patients can be in it, plus Lady Mary, but she's been dragged in against her will – or so she keeps telling me."

"I can't say I can imagine her as a performer."

"She's going to sing, and Lady Edith is going to play the piano."

"Really?"

"Sort of a once in a lifetime thing, I think…"

"What news of downstairs?"

"Oh, let me see…Everyone's well. News, news… Oh, did I tell you that Daisy and William got engaged?"

"No!"

"She seems really shy and unsure about it, it's quite sweet."

"He's at war, though, isn't he?"

"Yes, he proposed the night before he shipped off."

"Oh right."

"He's been assigned to Captain Crawley as his Soldier-Servant, so that's good, they can look out for each other."

"Soldier-Servant, is that like a batman?"

"As far as I'm aware, yes."

"Oh good. That's a good position for William."

"You'd know."

"I do know. It's a good position. Particularly for someone who's only just joined up."

"Oh good, that's good to know."

They had reached a corner of the wall, a corner of the old city limits. John stopped and leaned on the top of the wall, looking out.

"Have you any news, then?" asked Anna, standing beside him.

John sighed. "Well, my lawyer's made the submission, but apparently it can't go to court until Vera responds to it."

"What does that mean?"

"They just need her to officially acknowledge it – so that nobody can divorce someone without their knowing, the rule is that the proceedings can't continue until the other party responds. She knows about it, alright, she just hasn't done anything."

"Can she contest it?"

"No, not with the evidence. But she can delay it. Which is what she's doing. I'm going to write her another letter this week."

"Is it…irrefutable evidence?"

"Yes, it's um…testimony from the man himself. A lease with both their names on it… And a couple of other things."

"Sorry, that's private, I shouldn't have asked."

John turned and looked at her for the first time in this exchange. "You can ask me anything you like, Anna. You have a right to know."

"Well, thanks. It is nice to know what's going on."

"Can you put up with this a little longer?"

"As long as I can keep meeting you across Yorkshire."

"Definitely." John smiled.

"It's a lovely day, isn't it?"

"It'd be pretty hard to top it. In every way."

John placed a hand on Anna's shoulder, and she stepped forward and snuggled into his arms. He removed her hat, and kissed her hair, pressing his face into the top of her head. They didn't move for several minutes.

"It's your birthday soon, isn't it?" asked John, finally pulling back a little.

"Oh. Yes, I suppose it is."

He stroked her cheek. "What would you like for a present?"

"Nothing. Only you. I hope I can see you that day, I'm not sure…"

"I think you definitely deserve a half-day, or even a whole day, on your birthday."

"That'd be good, but the world isn't perfect."

"Well if you do, I will too, no question."

"Aww, thankyou."

"Oh – what time is it?"

John reached for his pocket watch, but Anna, already having her arms around his middle, got to it first. "Twenty to four," she said.

"We'd better find a photographer's shop. Because it takes a little while to sit for them, and they'd probably close at five."

"OK. City centre…that way?"

"I'd say so."

...

They continued walking around the wall until they found some steps to get off it, which led them to the edge of the shopping district, and it wasn't long before they found a photographer's shop.

"Can I have one of you too?" asked Anna as they waited to be served.

"Yes, if you'd like."

"What can I do for you?" said the photographer's assistant, a young woman with red hair and glasses.

"Just basic portraits please, of each of us," said John.

"Certainly."

"Shall we have one together?" asked Anna.

"That's more something that married couples do…" said John, looking at the assistant for confirmation.

"Yes, most certainly, we do a lot of individual shots before marriage and couple shots after – wedding photographs, departure photographs with soldiers and their wives, family portraits, and so on."

"I don't want to jinx it," John whispered to Anna.

She nodded. "OK."

They were shown into the photographer's studio and Anna was seated in front of a light-coloured background, told where to look and so on. John stood right where she'd been told to look, and winked, with the result that she gave a most natural, radiant smile just as the photographer's flash went off. John couldn't take his eyes off her, making the smile in his own portrait particularly genuine as well.

"These will be good photographs, I think," said the photographer, an elderly man with a thick French accent, "Because it is for each other, yes? So in them you smile as you do for the other person, and then when you have the photograph, it will be like your lover is really looking at you, uh?"

John and Anna both blushed at the mention of the word "lover", but nodded politely.

"So many people frown in their photographs, they say you should look neutral, but no no, I don't like this. I like a smile."

John paid and gave his address for the photos to be sent to, and they thanked the photographer, who accompanied them to the door saying. "Keep up your smile! The world needs more smiles these days!"

"A Frenchman who likes a smile?" said John as they stepped back onto the street. "That's rare."

"Shoosh, don't be mean."

"No, I was impressed."

"The French don't have much to smile about these days."

"They'll be alright. I reckon we'll win this war."

"Are you being optimistic, John Bates?"

John laughed. "I think I am." His eyes crinkled. "That's rare, isn't it?"

Anna's eyes crinkled too as she slipped her arm through his again.


	6. Chapter 6

They walked through the city for a while, and then along the smaller of the two rivers. A pub came into view by the river bank up ahead, and it gave John an idea.

"Anna," he said. "Would you like to have dinner with me?"

"Oh! Yes, good idea."

"I know it's still a little early, but we have to be at the station by ten past eight."

"Yes. Let's go."

...

The friendly publican showed them to a table and asked them if they'd like any drinks. Anna looked at John.

"You have whatever you like," he said. "Cider, champagne…anything."

"Champagne? I don't think so!"

"Just whatever you want."

Anna looked at the publican. "You couldn't bring us some ginger beer with some champagne glasses, could you?"

"Certainly," said the publican.

"Well, that is cheaper than champagne I suppose," chuckled John.

"And I get to drink it with you. You didn't expect me to drink a bottle of champagne by myself, did you?"

"No, I was merely making the point that if you do want to do that, you are most welcome to. I have not had the honour of taking such a lovely lady to dinner before, so I just want to say that I intend to do my best, to be as gentlemanly as I possibly can, but as for your part, do not hold back - if there's anything you want, anything at all, just tell me, and I will get it for you."

Anna, whose smile had grown wider and wider throughout this speech, merely nodded. "All I want is your company," she said.

"Well, you'd also like some food, presumably. Unless you want to eat me."

Anna laughed, and John watched her. "I saw they have roast beef," she said. "That sounds good."

"That does sound good."

The publican returned with the ginger beer and glasses. John ordered the food, then poured a glass for Anna and one for himself. "I'm glad to see my champagne idea didn't go entirely astray," he said.

"Well, we definitely need to celebrate."

"Definitely." He raised his glass. "To you."

"No! To us!"

"Absolutely." John smiled cheekily. "To us."

They clinked, and drank. John quickly followed with, "To you," chasing her glass across the table to clink it.

"Fine, to you as well, then!"

"No no no, just you and us."

"You are very silly sometimes."

John smiled as he gazed at her, his eyes twinkling with happiness.

"What?"

"You."

"You're staring at me, Mr Bates."

"I am so overjoyed that you're here."

"So am I."

John chuckled. He couldn't stop smiling.

"Stop it!"

He blushed, and looked down.

"Have you really never been to dinner with, as you put it, a 'lovely lady' before?"

"No. In my youth I occasionally went out with ladies, sure, but not lovely ones. Nowhere near as good as you."

"You flatter me."

"So I should. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

The rawness in his voice made Anna's breath catch in her throat. The last time she'd known John Bates, he hadn't been this honest, this forward. In all his dealings with her now, it seemed as though he was making up for lost time.

Concern flashed across John's face. "I'm sorry, have I offended you?"

Sipping her ginger beer, Anna shook her head vigourously. "No, no. You caught me off guard, that's all. No-one's ever said anything like that to me before."

"Haven't I said that to you before?" John frowned.

"You've called me beautiful once or twice, but never quite like that."

"Anna, if I had the chance, I would say that to you every day. No, better than that. That was just an off-handed comment about your looks - you are so much more special, more precious than that. I would say so much more than that if I had the chance."

"Thankyou. For your honesty. You used to be shy, coy even. You used to hold back. I'm glad that you're not now."

John nodded, acknowledging his deep sense of regret for the lost time. "Please don't hold back from me either."

"Do you know how much I love you, you handsome man?"

John's breath caught in his throat, and he was speechless.

Anna simply smiled at him.

He reached across the table and took her hand. "I love you too."

Their gaze was interrupted by the arrival of their meals. Quickly shaking themselves back to reality, each looked somewhat dumbly at the plates in front of them and then turned, too late, to thank the waiter. They ate in silence for a few minutes as, being English, they weren't accustomed to such blatant emotional honesty, and weren't quite sure how to adapt to it.

"Would you like some more ginger beer?" asked John, after draining his glass.

"Yes please."

He poured two more glasses, which drained the bottle. "Shall I order some more?"

"No, it's fine. Maybe later."

"OK."

"I had a letter from my mother recently. She knows I'm due a couple of days' leave soon, and she's asked me to spend them back at the farm."

"Good."

"Well actually, I was thinking I could spend one day there and one day with you."

"Oh!"

"A _whole_ day."

"Wow. Imagine what we could do with a whole day."

"Yeah."

"Don't deny your mother the chance to spend more time with you, though. You don't see your family very often."

"I don't see you very often either."

"I know once a week isn't enough, but it is a lot more often than you see your family."

Anna shrugged. "I was thinking I'd just tell her that I'd only been given one day's leave. One day and two nights, maybe."

"Oh, don't lie to your mother, Anna!"

"Well…she really wouldn't understand it any other way. I would like for you to meet my parents, but…I think we should wait until…"

"Until, yeah, right."

"Anyway, the farm is a lot closer to Kirkbymoorside than Downton, so perhaps I could meet you either there or somewhere close by, and we could have the whole day together."

"That would be wonderful. Pretty soon I'm going to run out of room to classify best days of my life!"

"I don't know when it is yet, though. I haven't been given my leave yet."

"Right."

"Meantime, where are we going to go next week?"

"Good question! I thought of the last two, which wasn't very fair of me, so you should decide this time."

"Oh, they were two very good suggestions, Mr Bates. I would have told you if I'd disagreed."

"As you should."

"I was thinking, what if we go for a picnic somewhere? It doesn't matter where really, but we could go up to the moors or somewhere like that."

"Good idea. I'll make some enquiries."

"Enquiries? Where?"

"In the pub. How do you think I found out about things to do in York? People come from miles around, I can pick their brains."

"Really?"

"Why, does it surprise you?"

"It does a bit, a quiet man like you picking the brains of his customers."

"I'm not always quiet."

"No, I more than anyone know that, I just can't imagine you asking for information."

"Why? Do you think I know everything already?" John raised his eyebrows innocently.

Anna laughed. "Well, you do know quite a lot."

"Do I? Do I give that impression? I don't even know what's going on most of the time, I just make it up. I don't have a clue how to take a lovely lady out to dinner."

"Really? Well you're doing a very good job of making it up."

"Oh good, what a relief! I just wish I could walk you home afterwards."

"Well, you can walk me to the train station."

"Oh, more than that, I'll walk you to the train!"

"What's the time?"

John checked his watch. "6:30. Not too bad."

"Oh, I wish we could stay longer…"

...

They walked slowly to the station, pausing for a long time on the bridge over the other river to watch the spectacular colours of the sunset.

"It's so beautiful!" exclaimed Anna.

John wasn't looking at the sky, he was watching the colours play on her face and hair, and the excitement on her face as she watched it. "Not as beautiful as you," he said.

Anna looked up at him. "I like this new side of you," she said. "It's very romantic."

"Oh good, that's what I was aiming for."

Anna giggled, and John covered her lips with his. He kept it chaste, as he always felt he must, but he found that he could not pull away. His eyes fluttered open, and he saw the darkening orange sky, and her, her eyes closed, her face peaceful. He couldn't believe he could make her look like that. He closed his eyes again, and he was lost.

A couple of minutes later, their lips parted and she rested her head on his chest. He pulled her as tightly to him as he could, keeping his eyes closed. Anna opened hers and watched the last of the sunset. Some distance away, a clock tower began to chime. Anna thought that the sound was beautiful.

"Oh my god," gasped John.

"What?"

"That's eight o'clock!"

"Oh!" Anna's eyebrows rose in horror.

"We'd better go."

They rushed off, John checking the map as they went. "God, it must be half a mile away!" he exclaimed. "You'll have to go without me. Take the map. It's the second road on the right up ahead."

Anna slowed down to cross the first road, and waited for him on the other side.

"Here." He held out the map. "Go."

"No," she said, "Come on."

Speeding up his half step, he decided the least he could do was to see her safely to the right road. They would, after all, have to cross the busy road they were currently walking along. He looked left and right at least ten times as they did so, making sure she wasn't in danger. He stopped her on the corner on the other side, pressing the map into her hand. "Station Road is two blocks that way," he said. "Now go."

"No, come on," she repeated, moving off again.

John didn't move. "I can't walk fast enough!"

"Well you can't if you stay there."

"Anna, if you miss that train…"

"What happened to your promise to walk me to the station?"

John screwed up his eyes and cursed his damn, damn leg, and then, lunging forward, he began to use it as he'd never used it before.

"That's better," she said.

It hurt, but for her, it was worth it.


	7. Chapter 7

The train was already steaming when they came into the station, and the large clock above the platforms said that it was fourteen minutes past eight. John grabbed Anna by the shoulders and gave her a kiss. "Run," he said. Rising to her tiptoes, she kissed him again, and did as he asked, fairly sprinting across the station. John followed, hoping to wave her goodbye.

Looking at the train, he realised it was already moving. Anna had become a rapidly shrinking dot ahead of him. The train began to speed up as she disappeared into the smoke. His heart was in his throat. He couldn't see her any more. Had she made it? What if the train was already moving too fast and she fell off? Fear gripped John's heart. Quickening his pace further, his knee protesting painfully, he rushed into the smoke calling her name.

The train was gone. He couldn't see anything through the smoke. Had she made it? He called her name one last time.

After what seemed like a minute, but was more likely a second, her voice came through the smoke. "Oh dear," she said. "What will Mrs Hughes say?"

Taking a few last strides, John swept her into his arms and held her strongly.

"Haha, you didn't want me to leave in the first place, did you?"

"I was so worried, the train was speeding up and if you'd tried to get on…"

"The conductor stopped me."

"Did he? Oh thank God." Panting, John took a handkerchief out of his pocket to wipe his brow. "Thank God for that."

"Thank God that wasn't the last train! Although I'd better phone Mrs Hughes to say I'll be late."

John stopped looking relieved and looked worried again. "What time will you get back?"

"Let's check the timetable." Anna moved over to the printed timetable, which was pasted to the wall next to the platform. "Downton Station…10:45," she said.

"Do you think Mr Branson could meet you in the car?"

"I don't think so. I'll walk, like we all do."

"But surely they could make an exception, it'll be so late at night -"

"There must be a telephone booth around here somewhere. I'll go and have a look – meantime, you keep a lookout for your train."

"No, I – I won't take that train."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll stay with you."

"But…isn't the 8:30 the last train on your line?"

"That's ok, I'll stay at a hotel."

"What? No, you -"

"I don't have to start work until 9:30. I can take a train in the morning."

"Yeah, but -"

"Anna. I am not leaving you here."

Anna rolled her eyes. "I've told you I don't need a chaperone."

"I'm not a chaperone. I have taken a lovely young lady out on a date and I need to make sure that she gets safely onto her train. I have failed at this task once already and I'll not do so a second time."

"You didn't fail, it's alright. Just as long as I can phone them – ah, there's a telephone booth." Anna turned and began to walk towards it.

"Now listen, if they ask, you should tell them the truth."

"The truth? That I was kissing a man on a bridge and…?"

"No, I mean forget what I said about not telling them I'm here – if they want to know who you were with, tell them. I'll speak to Mr Carson myself, tell him I'll see you onto the train."

"That won't be necessary, but thankyou for the offer."

Anna stepped into the booth, and John fumbled in his pocket for change. Anna was fumbling in her purse also, and they each pulled out a coin at the same time. John pushed her hand away and put his coin into the slot. "This is an extension of the date," he explained. "The gentleman pays for everything."

Rolling her eyes again, Anna picked up the receiver and spoke to the operator. The phone in Mr Carson's office began to ring.

"Hello, Downton Abbey, Mrs Hughes the housekeeper speaking."

"Hello, Mrs Hughes, it's Anna."

"Anna? Is everything alright?"

"Yes, it's fine, I'm just calling to let you know I'll be late back."

"Oh. I see."

"I'm very sorry, but I missed my train."

"What time can we expect you?"

"Well unfortunately the next train won't get me to Downton Station until 10:45, so I'm afraid it'll be gone eleven by the time I get back to the house."

John began mouthing the words "car" and "Mr Branson" at her.

"10:45?" Mrs Hughes was surprised. "Where are you?"

Anna swallowed. "I'm in York."

"That's a long way for your half day."

"I know, I'm sorry, Mrs Hughes. I'd arranged to meet a friend for dinner, and unfortunately I underestimated the amount of time it'd take to get back to the train station. I'll be more careful in future."

"Alright, Anna. See you later, then."

John began mouthing more urgently.

"See you later, Mrs Hughes."

Anna hung up the phone. "Mr Bates, I walk home from the village all the time, it's not as if it's a problem."

"But alone? At night?"

"It's Downton, it's perfectly safe."

"It's full of officers now. You can't always trust soldiers, Anna."

"Oh, don't be silly. As far as I know, Mr Branson has been driving the Dowager Countess around all day – he needs a break."

"He wouldn't mind. It's his job to drive people around!"

"Yeah, the Crawleys! Not housemaids!"

"Please be careful."

"OK, you've gone a little far past being romantic and chivalrous now. I'm not a wilting flower, I can look after myself."

"Of course you can, I'm sorry. Just remember that you can't always trust soldiers."

"What makes you say that?"

"Experience."

"Well I'm hardly going to talk to one at night, that would be quite inappropriate."

"Good."

"Anyway, I probably won't meet anybody at all on my walk from the station."

Puffs of smoke began to billow from a different platform.

"Is that your train?" Anna asked.

"Not any more."

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make you…"

John was shaking his head vigourously. "I'm the one who should apologise."

"No, it wasn't your fault, we both got distracted…I didn't even realise the time when the clock was chiming!"

"And whose fault was it that our progress towards the station was so slow?"

"Mine for making you come with me?"

"No! Mine for having a stupid, useless leg."

"Now _that_ is definitely not your fault."

A whistle blew, and the train to Kirkbymoorside began to move away.

"Come on," said John. "Let's wait on the platform. Then we definitely won't miss the next one."

As they began to walk over there, Anna took his hand, and then she did a double take, turning her head back towards him with a look of concern on her face. "Are you…?"

"What?"

"Sorry, but are you limping more than usual?"

"I'm walking more slowly – we've got an hour to get to the platform this time."

"No, you…you're definitely leaning more strongly on the cane than you usually do."

"It's fine, Anna."

"Are you in pain?"

"I just made it do something it didn't want to do. It likes to complain when I do that."

"I'm sorry. Was that why you asked me to leave you?"

"Oh no, no. That was just so that you could go faster."

"I didn't even think of that."

"Please don't think of it, it's fine."

They reached the platform and sat down on a bench, John stretching his leg out in front of him. Anna was still looking at him with concern, feeling bad that she'd made him rush.

John looked up. "It's fine. I'm used to it."

"I know, sorry."

"So I'm worrying about you getting home safely and you're worrying about my leg? I guess we're even."

"Yeah."

"Come here." He put both his arms around her, and she took off her hat so that she could lean against his chest. She put her arms inside his jacket began to make little circles with her fingers on his waist coat.

"Are you cold?"

"No, you're the perfect heater."

He kissed her hair and stroked her back. "I hope this hasn't ruined the evening."

"No, far from it! We get to have another hour together."

He chuckled softly, and she felt it rumble through his chest.

"That's wonderful," he said. "But if you get any comeback from Mrs Hughes or Mr Carson, please let me know. I'll write them a letter explaining everything."

"It'll be fine. Mrs Hughes trusts me."

John just hoped against hope that no-one else found out about it.

They sat in silence for most of the next hour, holding each other and occasionally stroking the parts of the other's body that were within easy reach. At one point, Anna turned her head and planted a kiss on his waistcoat. She imagined what this might be like another time, another way. John kissed her temple and stroked her hair.

"Thankyou for waiting," she said. "I would have been fine by myself, but this is really nice."

Eventually, the train pulled in, and Anna got on board. She opened the window and held his hand as the steam began to billow.

"That was the best day of my life," he said quietly.

Anna's eyes twinkled. "It can only get better."

As the train pulled away, she held his gaze, waving until she was out of sight.

...

The house was quiet by the time Anna walked up the drive and around to the servants' quarters. There hadn't been many late nights since the war started. Perhaps it was because the king and queen had asked them to conserve food and fuel. Perhaps it was because they were understaffed and everyone was tired all the time. Perhaps it was because they had to share a home with a bunch of strangers. She wasn't sure what was the main cause, but Downton sure was quiet and dark in the evenings these days.

The hallway in the servants' quarters was dark, but Anna could see a light coming from under the door of Mrs Hughes' sitting room.

The door opened. "Ah, Anna, you're back."

"I am. I'm so sorry, I hope you weren't waiting up for me."

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you were alright." Turning out the light, Mrs Hughes followed Anna towards the stairs.

Anna said nothing for the first two flights, her insides churning with guilt.

"So did you go to York just to see your friend? Does she live there?"

"Yes."

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Very much."

"That's nice. It's good to have the chance to get out and about."


	8. Chapter 8

It was two days later, and the house was as busy as usual. Mrs Hughes hadn't had time to sit down all morning – and now was no different.

"Mrs Hughes, can I have a word?" asked Daisy, catching up to her.

"Only if you walk with me, Daisy, I'm sorry. I don't have time to stop."

"That's OK, I just…William said he was due back on leave, but he hasn't arrived, and…I'm not sure why."

"Oh, I'm sure everything is fine," said the housekeeper kindly. "If anything bad had happened, we'd know about it."

"But he said he'd be here by now and he's not," said Daisy, following Mrs Hughes along the corridor.

"You musn't worry about him, Daisy."

"I'm not worried like that…exactly. But this is William, I think we should all be worried."

"Anything might have happened – maybe his leave was cancelled. At times like these, people vanish and turn up again in the strangest places."

"Like Mr Bates in that pub."

The housekeeper stopped walking, staring at the maid in shock.

...

The post arrived just before the family dinner that evening. Anna was there when the postman arrived, and she was able to remove her own letter from the pile and slip it into her pocket before she gave the rest of the pile to Mr Carson. It just seemed the wisest thing to do, now that everybody knew Mr Bates was around. Now that Thomas and Miss O'Brien knew. And Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes.

The letter burned a hole in her pocket all through the family dinner. Anna tried not to react as she listened to his lordship discussing his plans to go and visit Mr Bates the next day. After taking the dirty plates back to the kitchen, she just had five minutes free to go to the courtyard and read the letter.

_My darling Anna,_

_What a wonderful day that was! I am so sorry about the tumultuous finish. I hope Mrs Hughes wasn't too harsh on you. Please let me know what happened._

_I spent the night in the York Railway Hotel, and was home by 9 o'clock the next morning. Darren, the stable hand, asked me about a hundred questions. I didn't answer most of them. _

_Is this a problem, Anna? Do you think we should just tell everyone? Sometimes when people don't know the whole truth but they do know a little bit, they start making assumptions – wrong assumptions. I don't want that for you. _

_Anyway, let me know how it's going your end. If it's becoming a problem for you then we should just tell everyone. I don't think it's right to hide it. Please let me know what you think._

_That said, though, it really was the best day of my life, and I have you to thank for that. I am researching good places for picnics – I'll get back to you with a list of options._

_I cannot wait to see you again. You really are the most perfect person who has ever walked this earth, and I will never understand how I got to be so lucky._

_Yours forever,_

_John Bates_

...

"I know Ethel can be difficult, Mrs Hughes, but she was very sorry for her mistake. Whatever it was."

"I'm sure. It's cost her her job."

"But surely it can't -"

"Never mind why she's gone, she's gone. And there's an end to it."

Putting her pen down with some force, the housekeeper turned to face Anna for the first time. "By the way," she said. "I hear Mr Bates is back in the county. Mr Carson says you know all about it."

Anna tried to keep her face neutral as her heart began to pound in her chest.

"I gather his lordship has gone to see him."

Anna nodded. "I know. He told me he was going."

"Why in heaven's name didn't you mention any of it to me?"

"It wasn't my secret to tell."

"How long have you known?"

"About three weeks."

"Did he write you a letter, or…?"

"No, I went to see him. I'd heard that he was there, and I wanted to find out for myself. Similar to what his lordship's doing now, I suppose."

Mrs Hughes looked at Anna, studying her expression, trying to figure out if this was a good thing or a bad thing, and only succeeding in frowning and becoming more confused.

Anna's expression was still neutral, but her eyes had begun to dart around the room. She remembered what Mr Bates had said about it not being right to hide it. She had great respect for Mrs Hughes, and Mrs Hughes trusted her, but she wouldn't for much longer if Anna wasn't forthcoming. And given the harsh way she had come down on Ethel…

"And how did this meeting go?" asked the housekeeper, bracing herself for the answer.

"Well. It went very well, it was a good meeting. And umm… We have met a further two times since then, on my half days." Anna took a breath and looked the housekeeper in the eye. "Including in York."

"Oh my." Mrs Hughes looked away.

"But it was just like I said. We had dinner and…lost track of time. He tried to tell me to run ahead to the station, but… I didn't want to leave him."

"And so you missed the train."

"By a whisker." Anna smiled awkwardly. "Then he let his train go as well – which was the last train for him, he let it go so that I wouldn't be left alone at the station. He waited with me on the platform until my train came, and then he spent the night in a hotel."

Mrs Hughes nodded, absorbing this. "Well. I know that with regard to chivalry and honour, you've nothing to worry about with him."

"No."

"But what about his…situation?"

"His lawyer has made a submission – submission of evidence of fault – to a judge in London."

"Evidence of fault on whose part? His?"

"No, no."

"Hers?"

Anna nodded.

"I see. Good. And what about Lady Mary?"

Anna's expression changed for the first time. It showed confusion, shock. "What do you mean?"

"Has he told you why he left?"

"Yes, but…how do you know?"

"Well, I'm not proud of this, but I was listening through the grate in the wall there. I let them have their tea in here, and…I eavesdropped."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry, Anna. At the time, it was best you didn't know."

"Why?" Anna's calm neutrality had well and truly gone, replaced by indignation and anger. "What gives you the – I'm sorry, Mrs Hughes, I don't mean any disrespect to you, but when I was…why couldn't you…?"

"Did he tell you why at the time?"

"No, but -"

"He thought it was best you didn't know. We have a lot in common, Mr Bates and I. We both care about you, don't want you to be stuck in a bad situation. And it sounded like he was in quite a pickle, it didn't sound like he could get out of it. Best you not be sucked in too."

Anna regained her composure, and began staring at the wall behind Mrs Hughes' head.

"Has he got himself out of it now?"

"Well, regarding Lady Mary, he's offered Mrs Bates his inheritance from his mother, if she keeps quiet about it. And regarding the divorce, it's been submitted to a judge, and…"

"OK. I'm sorry, Anna, I'll stop asking you personal questions now." Mrs Hughes stood up, and put a hand on the housemaid's shoulder. "I'm only doing it because I'm worried about you. I don't want you to be hurt again."

"Thankyou, Mrs Hughes. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"That's alright."

...

_Dear Mr Bates,_

_It's interesting that you were wondering about whether we should tell everyone, because it seems we won't have to. By the time you get this letter, his lordship will already have been to see you. Apparently it was Thomas, surprise surprise, who got a letter from a friend who'd seen you in Kirkbymoorside, and Daisy overheard him talking about it with Miss O'Brien, she told Mrs Hughes, who told Mr Carson, who told his lordship… They didn't know which pub you were working in, so I gave his lordship that information. He asked after your health and seemed pleased to hear that you were back. Then he told me that he'd go to see you to apologise for the way he behaved when you parted. If he offers you your job back, you should jolly well take it!_

_So now everyone knows you're back, but they do not, as far as I can tell, know that I've been going to meet you. I did tell Mrs Hughes, though. I told her the truth about the train and everything. She was waiting up for me when I got back that night, so I thought she deserved to know. She was a little surprised, and concerned, but she hasn't told me off, because I've done nothing wrong. So don't worry about that._

_I never stop thanking my lucky stars for having the privilege of knowing you either. Do you really think I'm the world's most perfect woman? I think you're the world's most perfect man! Isn't that a good combination?_

_The only thing that's not perfect about you is that you live so far away. So I really do hope his lordship offers you your job back. But either way, I will see you soon, my love._

_Yours forever (I like that),_

_Anna xxx_


End file.
